It wouldn't Be Christmas
by nikkinor
Summary: No, there has to be someone who can save him, someone. was the last thing I said before I fell to the floor crying.


A/N: This was one of my projects for school, we got a list of words and we had to write a story using at least 15 of them, I what else was I suppose to do other than write an NCIS story.

Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me, even though I wish it did, it doesn't.

Rating: PG

Summary: "No, there has to be someone who can save him, someone." was the last thing I said before I fell to the floor crying.

I walk the small distance to my bedroom door, opening it as I turn the knob. I flip the light on as I walk into the warm, chocolate colored room.

Christmas is just a few days away and I'll have the next week off of work.

There are not a lot of things I do for Christmas any more, the normal dinner with my family and exchange of presents with close friends and family.

I use to do a lot more for the season, decorate a tree and my old house, bake cookies and pies, play Christmas music, but now I just don't get into the festivities of the time of year.

It's my first Christmas that I've really felt sad and alone, with nothing keeping my mind on some immediately important task.

It's my first Christmas without him, the man I loved so much.

It wasn't really my first Christmas without him, just the first I had the time to think about him not being here with me for the joy and laughter of the season.

Last year I was busy with my new job at NCIS and didn't have the time to think about Christmas and him not being with me.

I kneel down beside my bed and search underneath for what I had come into my bedroom for.

Pulling out a box from the cluttered space I use for storage, I open it to find the mess of all the things I had put in it for the memories they held.

I blow the dust on the top of the box making the cloud of dust flutter in the air and settle down on the floor, it had definitely been a long time since I had looked through this box.

I push an offensive strand of my hair back out from my face, my ears holding the brown piece of salient hair back securely.

Looking down at the clutter of the box it takes me a minute to find the large blue box I had tried to forget existed.

I pull it out and run my fingers over the gilded lettering imprinting his name on the blue velvet that completely covered the box.

I had gotten him the box for one Christmas, he had liked its soft velvet and blue color. It was suppose to be for him to keep his pictures and the other things sorted he had cluttered around his house, but he had just taken the movable separators out of the box and stuffed it all into the box, deleting all arrangement it could have had.

Extremely grateful that I hadn't burned the box years ago when we had had a really bad argument and I had taken what I could find that was his and through it into my fireplace.

I open the lid of the box, a picture of the two of us dining at the restaurant he had asked me to marry him at.

That had been the greatest day of my life, he had gotten down on one knee and told me he loved me more than anything in the world and asked me to marry him.

I tried to hold back the tears that were begging to fall from my eyes.

I lift that picture out of the way finding two more stacks of pictures underneath, picking up the first they were just random pictures of him and his friends and a few if his family. Picking up the second stack I found pictures of us, me and him with backpacks in front of a sylvan landscape getting ready to hike through the woods. But the rest were all of Christmas, our snow covered house, the two of us playing in the snow, one of him putting up the Christmas tree.

_"Kate, come on and help me put up the Christmas tree and stop taking pictures?" he begged me as I walked into the living room snapping a picture of him._

_"You know I won't be any help to you, I couldn't put a Christmas tree if my life depended on it."_

_"Honey, just come around the back and hold the back of the tree so I can put it up strait."_

_I walk around the back of the tree, pushing it as strait as I can._

_"Do you have it?" he asks me from the other side of the tree._

_"Yeah."_

_"Ok, I'm going to let go and tighten it down at the base."_

_"Ok."_

_"I'm letting go," he said as he let go of his side, but I didn't expect it to be so heavy._

_"I don't have it any more, Matt." I called out as I tried my best to hold it steady._

_"Just hold it there one more minute and I'll have it tightened."_

_"I can't get a good grip on it Matt."_

_"Just one more second and I'll have it done."_

_"Matt, it's tipping this way, Matt it's coming down!" I almost yell as the tree comes down on me._

_"Kate! Katie!" he calls as he slides under the tree to get me._

_"I'm over here!" I call out as I see him crawl under the tree._

_"You ok, nothing broken?" he asks me as he comes up beside me._

_"Nothing broken, maybe a scratch or two, but nothing to bad." I say as look up to see that to tree hit the corner and stopped right above my head._

_"Good, now help me push the tree back up." he said as he started to push up on the tree._

_I got up beside him and helped push the tree back into place._

_"It looks good."_

_"It won't look really good until we put some lights and ordainments on it. I helped put the tree up, now help me with the lights."_

The next picture was of the tree when it was all decorated, the lights shining bold and bright.

_"It looks beautiful," I say as Mathew snakes his arm around my waist._

_"Not as beautiful as you."_

A tear slips from my eye the memories of him are showed clearly in the pictures.

The next few were of the snowman they had built in the front yard.

_"Kate, that snowman is shameful, you definitely need my snowman building guidance."_

_"Matt, it looks just fine. Stop messing with his face."_

_"Look, he just needs a little help from the Dr. Snow."_

_"Dr. Snow? Have you had time to think about this?"_

_"Yes, now get me some more snow, he looks like you took a giant bite out of him."_

_He worked on the snowman for about fifteen minutes before he called me to come look at it._

_"See, doesn't he look so much better than before?"_

_"Yes, I guesse you were right about him being a shameful snowman."_

The last in the stack was from their Christmas party, when her sister had taken her and Mathew's picture under the mistletoe.

_Flash_

_"What was that?" I called out as I turned._

_"Just a picture of you and Matt." answered Christie from behind her._

_"Christie, would you stop taking pictures with my camera."_

_"You said you wanted lots of pictures of the party, I thought I'd just give my little sis a hand."_

_"I wanted pictures of my friends at the party, I think I have enough pictures of myself."_

I set the stack of pictures to the side, small tears still running down my cheeks.

There were little nick knacks in the box, his watch, one of his hats, and the one thing that made the small tears on my face grow to large ones running fast down my face.

It was a small black box, the one that held the engagement ring he had given me.

_"Kate?"_

_"What?"_

_"Close your eyes really quick, ok."_

_"Ok."_

_"When I say open, you open your eyes and answer a question for me, ok?"_

_"Ok."_

_"Alright, open."_

_I open my eyes to find him kneeling down on one knee beside me, holding a black box with a ring in it._

_"Caitlin Alexandra Todd, will you marry me?"_

_"Of course I will."_

I open the box to look at the ring, it was beautiful, the golden band and the diamond rock. He had picked it out just for me, he had saved his money forever just to get me the beautiful little ring.

I slid it on my finger, it still fit perfectly.

Why did he have to leave me so long ago, why did he have to go and not me?

_"Ms. Todd, he's not doing so good, were doubtful that he'll live for much longer," the doctor told her as she showed her to Matt's room._

_"But there's still hope he'll make, right?"_

_"There's always hope, but he's in really bad condition from the wreck and has a lot of blood."_

_"Is he conscience?"_

_"No, he can't see or hear you."_

_"Thank you."_

_She nods and walks away, leaving me at the door to his room by myself._

_I open the door, preparing myself of what I might see._

_But it was no use, seeing him there on the hospital bed with tubes and wires running around him, the tears came and I couldn't stop them._

_I sit down on the chair beside his bed, and pick up his cold, colorless hand._

_He was slowly losing his battle and I knew it._

_"Why'd you have to go and get hit by a car?" the tears were poring from my eyes now, "You just can't leave me like this, you can't just die on me, not now, not like this." I hold his hand up to my face, "Please don't leave me, please don't go without me telling you I love you." 'Please don't leave me' was what I repeated as I cried there in the hospital room. "Please don't leave me," I said as my cries turned to sobs, "I love you to much for you to just leave me."_

_A few seconds later one of the machines had started to flash red and make a horrible noise._

_A almost ran into the hallway as I yelled for someone to help him, for someone to make sure he was ok._

_A nurse came into the room, checking the machines over, she turned to me slowly, "I'm sorry," was the only thing she got out before I started to yell._

_"No, you can save him, please do something to save him. Get a doctor, get someone to save him, you have people that can save him!"_

_"Ma'am, there's nothing I can do for him now, he's gone. Now please settle down."_

_"No, there has to be someone who can save him, someone." was the last thing I said before I fell to the floor crying._

I held the box tight to my chest as I cried, I just cried for my loss, for him leaving me and not taking him with me.

It would never be Christmas without him.

A/N: Please review, please, please, please!!!!!!!!!!!!


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